19 producer

Well, Christmas is almost here, and that means time for Christmas shopping. I've barely started and I already feel like eating a gun.

I don't see how my wife does it. She's one of those people who bolts out the door at 4 a.m. on Black Friday with her hands full of cash and coffee. I'm the guy who waits until family's pulling in the driveway, then I find an excuse to go to the store (We um, need more nog for the eggnog) to get them something.

The big day's still like 10 days away, but we have some early gift-giving going on this weekend. I knocked out a couple yesterday, and I'm hoping to get a couple more today.

This of course, means going to the mall. I am not a fan of the mall.

I passed through that phase of going to the mall to hang out 10-15 years ago, and even then I hardly ever bought anything. I just went to play video games and go to the movies. I can't help but think to myself that if everyone else hated the mall and avoided it like the plague (which I do), I might start liking it again and go back.

Of course, I could have avoided this by shopping online weeks ago. But it just boils down to the fact that I'm a horrible procrastinator. And I am now going to abruptly halt the rest of my thoughts, because I just realized I have to leave now to get this crap done before I go to work. Toodles!

"I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Order' sign, only 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the Convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.'" -- Mitch Hedberg
(in honor of the mall -- p)

(EDIT)

I just got back from the mall. I wandered around inside for an hour and a half and managed to walk out with a book. A book.

Some observations from my trip to the mall:

• I don't need overpriced candles, an overpriced foot massager, overpriced grilling accessories, urban/goth apparel or an overpriced baseball hat. Therefore, there's no need to go there, because that's pretty much all they sell.
• There are too many retro T-shirts these days. Who really buys a shirt with a Smarties logo on it?
• The security officer who "guards" the jewelry store looks more like a Mountie than an intimidating authority figure.
• People in the mall don't follow normal traffic flow patterns, but they should.
• Mall stores are not big enough for strollers.
• The Gamestop store smells like horrible body odor. I couldn't figure out if it was just one person in the store, or a burned-in stench from the countless nerds who line up to play Guitar Hero for free and smear their greasy fingers all over the Sony PSP display's screen.
• Food Courts do not have food you really want; just food you'll settle for. Instead of kowtowing to my hunger in the mall, I drove across town to Soul Burger, where the burgers taste like little pieces of heaven wrapped in paper.